Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
