So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
