i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
