Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
