Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize