Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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