Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
