in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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