Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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