Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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