ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
