Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
