Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
