She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
