i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
