wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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