I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
