I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize