Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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