Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize