I could make wine with my vomit
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
