FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
