**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
