New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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