Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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