perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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