Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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