I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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