i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize