Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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