We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
