I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
