he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
