just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We need to get me chipped asap
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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