Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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