You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
