I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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