Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
