There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
