oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
