I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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