Apparently you make a good broom.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
