A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like death gave me a hand job
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
