Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
