when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
