i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize