Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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