it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
