what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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