I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
