I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
