And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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