its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
