Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
