you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
