Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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