quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
