Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
