I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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