he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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