I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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