My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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