my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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