wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
